This guy got a record deal? Kill me now!

Why the hell is anyone still watching this show?  I think this is the 3rd or 4th year that this god forsaken show has been on my list of things that need to die.  I used to be in shock that this show actually had fans, but now I know the truth..."American Idol" is produced by Satan (also known as George Steinbrenner).  Seriously, it is the only explanation for how someone like William Hung becomes a household name.  Have any of the people who have won on the show (other than Kelly Clarkson) proved that they are talented once they leave?  NO!  For the love of Pete, please stop watching this show so we can put it where it belongs, rotting in the ground with "Star Search".

Okay, I am seriously tired of people getting pissed and freaking out every time a celebrity drop the "n-bomb", but noone seems to freak out when someone says "cracker"?   This is once again proof that too many people have a pole up their ass.  Maybe it is just me, but I think we should all use racial slurs whenever possible and just kill the shock that happens when someone says it.  If you put into the mainstream, you soften the offensiveness.  Think about the first time you heard "shit" or "ass" on regular tv. Do you even notice it now?  Allow me to start the softening...ehhem...cracker, jesus-killer, nigger, guinea, whop, gook, dyke, fag, and you dirty dirty eskimos. 

Who you calling "cracker"?

He stalks you at night.

Is it just me or does this guy freak anyone else out?  

Whenever I see any of these commercials with "the King", I vomit a little bit in my mouth.  Did you see the one where he was hiding in some guy's bed?  Outside another guy's window when he woke up?  Intercepted the football in the middle of a NFL game?   The King even has 3 video games on Xbox.  I hope Ronald McDonald comes along and beats this guy's ass with a baseball bat and the Grimmus pisses on his lifeless body. 

How much longer do we have to hear about how this douche bag lost weight by eating Subway subs?  I bet you his Subway diet consisted of a vegetarian sub minus the sub-roll (ie. the fucker ate salads).  Not only that, but he was so fat before, that he couldn't fit into a car and drive to the market, so the closest place within fat-ass walking distance was a Subway, which in turn was also exercise.  And let's be honest, is he really "that" skinny?  Couldn't they find some clothes that weren't so baggy?  I bet when Subway stops using him and the money dries up that his wife leaves him and Jared goes on the "hookers and beer" diet and puts back on all his fat-ass weight.

(Note: 2 years later he goes on the Quizno's diet and becomes famous again.)

In case you've been in a coma for the last 5 years, this guy lost weight on the Subway diet.

Someone just told Rosie that they still think she is funny.

SHUT THE FUCK UP!  Some celebrities should know when to quit and Rosie O'Donnell is one of those celebrities who missed the memo.  At one time Rosie O'Donnell was actually funny (seriously, I'm not making this shit up), but one day the psycho gene apparently kicked in and suddenly she goes berserker politico.  I fully support Rosie's views on gay rights, but does she have to be so GRRRROWL about it?  The Kelly Ripa/Clay Aiken debacle was abso-freakin-lutely ridiculous.  Rosie needs to go back to what she used to do so well, comedy, and leave the politics to unfunny comedians and actors, like Ben Affleck.   

Could this guy be any more boring?  He is like one step above Jerry Springer, but with the looks of the fat bald drunk guy you once saw at the bowling alley.  Did the "time to make the donuts" guy and my high school principal have an illegitimate love child years ago and name it Phil?  Would you go to this guy if you needed help with dating?  He looks like the kind of guy who took his mom to the prom.  I'd rather get advice from Dr. Dre than this douche.  Let's hope 2007 sees the rebirth of Dr. Ruth and the bye-bye of Dr. Phil. 

Marriage counseling?  Even his hair left him.

Finally they can agree on something.

So let me see if I have this right...if I buy a PC, it means that I am some old boring nerdy guy who gets a lot of viruses OR if I buy a MAC, it means I am youthful and can use fun iTools like iPhoto, iTunes, iPod, or iKillmenow.  Do you know the reason why there are so few Mac viruses?  Because nobody gives a shit about Macs.  After the virus commercial aired, someone actually created a Mac virus just to shoot them in the foot.  As for iPods...THEY ARE JUST MP3 PLAYERS and not very good ones at that.  For almost half the price you can get something more useful and functional.  Also, is it just me or did they make Windows (PC!!!) available to use on Macs?  Hello?!!  You know what else, I had a Mac when I was growing up and it sucked.  Now I am not saying you should definitely go out and buy a PC over a MAC, but I am saying that I am sick of the damn misleading commercials.

PS. Justin Long rocks!

Are we slowly seeing the death of mainstream terrestrial radio?  Probably.  Sure there are people out there who will stick to listening to the same 20 tracks over and over, hour after hour, but the majority of the people out there are bored.  When will they learn?  Terrestrial radio needs to broaden its horizons and play more unknown songs and unsigned bands.  Satellite radio is definitely taking a step in the right direction by having larger playlists and more variety, but soon they won't be much better than terrestrial radio.  I look forward to the future when internet radio will be available in cars and in portable form.  Hey Terrestrial Radio, are you listening?

Is anyone still listening?

Anyone have the phone numbers of the guys from Soundgarden or Filter for this guy?

When did lead singers become interchangeable like hookers?  Velvet Revolver, Army of Anyone, Audioslave?  All we need is Zack de la Rocha to join up with the members of Soundgarden and Filter and we have completed the circle (and in doing so give rise to the Dark Lord so that his Yankees may once again win a World Series).  I have to admit that all of these super-group bands have made some amazing albums, but will they ever measure up or have the same impact that the original groups had?  I doubt it.  I think we are all getting set up for a ass-rape screw job when all these bands do one HUGE tour together where they can play original band and new band songs together at a show that costs you a testicle and a tit to get into.  I'll be there. 

I was absolutely horrified by the pictures of Britney Spears' sloppy meat chops.  All my fantasies from college immediately went to dust and I found myself huddled in the shower and crying out, "WHY?!!"  But seeing Britney's fluffer-nutter got me thinking "you know, I have seen some other nasty hoo-ha's over the last year".  So in 2007 I say we "BRING BACK THE BUSH".  I am not saying to bring back the 70's afro, but instead let's see the landing strip, the Hilter mustache, or even a nice trim job.  I think a bit of hair in the nether could have covered up some of Brit's saggy beef and perhaps made it edible again.  Although I have to admit, it was nice to finally see it, and a hell of a way to close out 2006.   

Britney Spears' shaved pussy isn't what we thought it would be.